A Picture Share!

i'm losing it...

slowly i'm losing it...help

was it God?

or just an idea that popped into my head? was it the Holy Spirit leading me? or just something i thought of on my own?

last night i was sitting in my car by the olive garden. i saw a man walking around that i had seen before. he is always over by the mcdonald's in the same shopping center. i've seen him walking around with a bag and the same coffee cup. as i watched, he reached into the garbage can and found a mcdonald's bag that someone had thrown away. he unwrapped what was left of a burger and ate it. i felt so sad at that moment. here i was, trying to figure out if i wanted to go into olive garden by myself or just go to mcdonald's ~ and here this man was, just trying to get something to eat.

i decided to go to mcdonald's. as i started to move my car i thought, 'why don't i get him something to eat?' he wasn't begging, he wasn't asking for money, he was just trying to survive. i saw the man on the phone by mcdonald's ~ the same place i had seen him before on different days. i didn't want to interrupt so i just hung out for a while waiting for him to get off the phone. he finally hung up and started walking into the restaurant. he tried to look in the garbage can by the door but when he saw me he quickly walked into mcdonald's and into the bathroom. i waited for him outside so that i could ask him if he wanted something to eat. when he came back out i said, 'excuse me, may i buy you something to eat?' he was shocked and asked, 'would you?' and i said, 'yes, i'd like to. what would you like?' and he looked at me and said, 'anything.' i said, 'ok' and started into the building. he asked me, 'you wouldn't happen to have $.50 for a phone call would you?' and i said, 'no, sorry. i'm using my card'. i ordered him a big mac combo and took it to him. when i was leaving he said, 'thank you so much. that's what i'm trying to do, get my credit card number'. i told him good luck and walked to my car. i don't think he was trying to get a credit card number - since i've seen him before. but if it made him feel better to tell me that, then who am i to argue? what i realized is that he wasn't actually talking on the phone any of the times i've seen him. he was just pretending so that when no one was around he could look in the garbage. and when someone was around he would pretend to be on the phone.

what do you think? was it God? did God use me to help him? was it the Holy Spirit leading me?

CUTE!!!

i just changed my blog color...LOVE it!

tomorrow...

tomorrow i am:
1. making a special time to talk to God
2. doing my bible study
3. going to the gym
4. following the first place food plan
5. going to post on here and hold myself accountable!

signed,
me

the mirror doesn't lie

the horror of walking around thinking i look cute and then seeing myself in the mirror...SIGH... i can't believe i've let myself gain this much weight...it's sad really...but you know, if i don't do anything about it i don't have any room to complain right???? so i guess i'd better get off my "backyard" and get on the program. that's it...i'm done...i'm going to lose this weight...NOW! :) ok, if only it were that easy!


Heavenly Father,
I ask that You please give me the strength I need to exercise and eat right. Please release me from the bondage I have with food. I cannot do it on my own. I need You in this, Lord. I need You in everything I do. Thank You for being there...thank You for being my everything. Lord, thank You. Help me to turn to You, Lord, and not food when I need comfort.
In Your holy name I pray,
Amen

changed my blog

i've changed my blog...i think that my prayer journal should be private...so this will just be a place to prattle, blabber, babble, and probably blubber sometimes too!

Guilt

ah yes...guilt...comes in full force too...ok, so i'm feeling guilty about not going to church on sunday. i was lazy and selfish. i had that morning to myself...so i took it. i sat around and read and knitted. is that bad? i can't decide. then of course yesterday, monday, i was looking in my date book and realized i was supposed to be a greeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh! now i'm not only feeling guilty, but feeling flaky as well...GREAT! loser...that's me.

i've also been avoiding calling my mom...i need to see if shontell talked to her about the scale for our weight loss bible study...which of course i'm not following ...but i digress...as usual. anyway...i'm avoiding calling my mom because again, i'm feeling guilty about not going to church...and still seeking her approval. so here goes...i'm gonna call her now.

Thank You

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being so good. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Thank You that Your mercy is new every day. I praise You Jesus...You are my King...You are my everything. Thank You that You are my provider. Thank You for loving me. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You.
In Your holy name,
Amen

nothing to say???

wow...that's so odd for me...to have nothing to say...lol. i am having a really hard time with this work thing. it's like, ok, drop a bomb on me friday afternoon and just leave me hanging...thanks. so i'm freaking out...called my dr. yesterday...she called me last night and i missed the call...she said she'd call this morning...but what good is that going to do really? i mean, nothing she can say is going to change the fact that i might lose my job...and even if i don't lose it...it's not the job for me...i can't handle the stress this time of year. what do i do? can i go back to being an sr and just be on the phones? i don't know...i'm not sure if i could do that either. i know i don't want to do it. i like the payroll part of it...but just not the people part of it. see, i need to be away from people. what kind of job let's me be away from people? can't i just be independently wealthy and not have to work? then i could do volunteer work...that would be cool!!! :0)
well, after thinking i had nothing to say i did come up with something after all huh?

Lord, You always know

You always know just what song I need to hear. Lord, thank You that we have music to worship You with. I have the disease of self, Lord. Please take that from me. Thank You for being so good to me. Thank You.
Amen

DC Talk - In The Light
From the album Jesus Freak

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from
YouI am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

Honesty becomes me
[There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[And riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light

All I want is to be in the Light
I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

[There's no other place that I want to be]
[No other place that I can see]
[A place to be that's just right]
[Someday I'm gonna be in the Light]
[You are in the Light]
[That's where I need to be]
[That's right where I need to be]

as i was driving to work today...

i saw different groups of teenagers walking to wooster...it's amazing...when i walked to school with friends, we talked to each other...today...most of the kids in the groups were talking on cell phones. how sad that we have lost a lot of the face to face conversation. i prayed for the children as i pray for them now...

Lord,
Please protect those children today and every day. Please let them know You are there. Please help them to make right choices and care about themselves as well as each other. Lord, I lift them up to You. They are Your children whether they know it or not. Whether they want to accept it or not. Protect them, Lord. Be with them.
In Your Son's precious name I pray,
Amen

Help me

Lord, please help me not to be in bondage to food. Please help me to turn to You instead of food for comfort. Give me strength to accomplish my goals. Lord, please take away all the feelings of inadequecy. Take the feelings of "no one loves me anyway", "who cares about me"...I give those thoughts and feelings to You, Lord. I know You are my provider, my Father. Lord, thank You for Your mercy and Your grace. Thank You for Your love, Lord, thank You.
In Your Holy name I pray,
Amen

hmm...and WHY do i do this to myself?

ok...SO...friday was the first day of the first place weight loss program for me...and i did great...till i got that LOVELY news at work on friday (lovely in this case is sarcastic)...so then i go and buy a bunch of junk...and eat it...and then eat junk saturday...and then more junk on sunday...and low and behold...MORE junk on monday. so tell me...WHY do i do this?? why do i sabotage myself??? yes, i'm sick of being fat!! so why do i keep eating like crap??? emotional eating...i didn't used to be an emotional eater...in FACT i used to be an emotional NON eater...i wouldn't eat when i was upset...oh, to get back to those days...
anyway...i keep saying...tomorrow is another day...but if i keep saying that every day...i'll just end up fatter instead of skinnier...SIGH

how do you know?

how do you know if something is from God?? an idea, a thought, an opportunity? you pray for something and wow...there's an answer...but is it your idea? or God's will?? what kind of things make it show you for sure that it's God answering you??? HELP! i'm so confused! (ok, so it doesn't take much...lol)

Lord, Thank You

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for guiding me to talk to Patsy! She spoke an idea that I'm sure came from You. I will continue to pray that this is Your will. Lord, thank You for Your love, mercy, grace, forgiveness. Lord You are Wonderful!!!
In Your Holy name I pray,
Amen

My new favorite song

i actually heard this about a year ago...when i attended mountain springs church one sunday...and i just thought it was the best...i now have it as my ringer on my phone!!! i think this song is talking to me as well as a lot of others. i don't talk to people about church or God if i think they won't listen...but what if it's something they need at that time and i don't mention it??? so i'm trying harder now

Casting Crowns - If We Are The Body
From the album Casting Crowns

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
T he weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

Jesus is the way

Lost

ok...i have no idea what i am supposed to be praying for...but here goes...

Lord, I'm at a loss...I have no idea what to pray for...I know that You are in charge...I know that You are the Lord of my life...all I can think of to pray for is Your will...You know why I am in this situation even if I don't...please Lord, just protect me and show me what it is I am supposed in this situation...thank You Lord...thank You for being everything to me...I know that You will provide for me.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

Jason...

tee hee! sorry bout that ~ i knew the two remaining comments were you ~ the two spam comments i deleted already! too funny that you posted twice and that the spam was twice also!! weird stuff too...but it's gone now...and yours are still there! :)

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
I ask that You give comfort to Joyce and her family in this time of crisis. Lord, heal her father, Merle. We know that You alone can do that. Take the cancer from his body, Lord. Watch over him during his surgery this coming Thursday...protect him...heal him...give the doctors wisdom. Please bring comfort to the family. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Lord. You are mighty. Thank you.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

ah yes...of course

now after i've said it didn't work...i go look and low and behold! it worked...ok...yes, i am a dork :)

totally irritated!

ok...so i'm a freak...and i want all my posts to look the same...well, the last post i did i forgot to change the font. usually no big deal...i went back in and tried to edit it...and IT WON'T WORK!! i finally got part of it to work...but not all of it...i keep getting some error message that i don't know what it means!!
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

phew...i feel better now after that scream!
:)

Praising You!

if i actually started singing this out loud at my desk (at work), i believe i would get some very strange looks and maybe even a "talking to" from my boss...so i won't...but this song is going through my head and i want to praise God...so here goes

(when i hear this song on the radio i crank it up!!!)

Steven Curtis Chapman - Live Out Loud From the album Declaration

Imagine this I get a phone call from Regis -
he says "Do you want to be a millionaire?"
They put me on a show and I win with two lifelines to spare

Picture this
I act like nothing ever happened
and bury all the money in a coffee can
Well, I've been given more than Regis ever gave away
I was a dead man who was called to come out of my grave
I think it's time for makin' some noise

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain
and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out
So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

Think about this
Try to keep a bird from singing after it's soared up in the sky
Give the sun a cloudless day and tell it not to shine

Think about this
If we really have been given the gift of life that will never end
And if we have been filled with living hope, we're gonna overflow
And if God's love is burning in our hearts, we're gonna glow
There's just no way to keep it in

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
This is life we've been given, made to be lived out
So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

So, la, la, la, la, live out loud
Live out loud
Everybody
La, la, la...la, la, la...la, la, la, live out loud
I wanna hear everybody
La, la, la...la, la, la...la, la, la, live out loud

Every corner of creation is a living declaration
Come join the song we were made to sing

Wake the neighbors
Get the word out
Come on, crank up the music, climb a mountain and shout
T his is life we've been given, made to be lived out
So, la, la, la, la, live out loud

Excited!

last night was the first night of our small group "first place" ~ it's a weight loss bible study ~ i think it's going to be great!!! so today is the first day of the program! i'm totally into the writing my exchanges down and everything!! woo hoo!!

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for bringing me to the First Place group. Thank You for this time to fellowship with other women...to have a time for just us, Lord. Please bless the group of women...bless them with weight loss, bless them with Your word from the bible study, and please bless all the prayer requests we received last night. Please take care of our group this week, Lord, and bring us all back together safe and sound for our next meeting. Please bless all the women with a great week! Thank You for the start of something wonderful, Lord.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

Spam?? On blogs?

don't these people ever give up? sheesh...i've had my blog for a month...maybe...and already i've had two spam comments???? ok...well, time to turn on the word verification...see if that deters it a bit.

4:8 That!

"4:8 that" is what my good friend toni o' taught me at southwest. when ever she and her sister would start to say something negative, either they would tell themselves "4:8 that" or they would tell each other that.

Philippians 4:8 (New International Version)
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

to me, and to toni, this meant and still means (essentially), "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". i have a very bad habit of not talking very nicely about people...you know, like when it's their job and they should know something...or when they blame things on other people...anyway...i need to let it go...i need to think on pure and lovely things... :)

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your goodness and Your faithfulness. Please help me to control my thoughts and my mouth. Please help me to stop and think before I say something nasty or mean about someone else. Please help me to not even think something mean or rude. I can do all things through You. I cannot do this alone. Thank You for the knowledge that You are with me and I don't have to do it alone.
In Your Son's precious name,
Amen

to share or not to share....

that is the question...do i add this to the "list" of hillside blogs????? hmm...more thinking to do on that one

So similar it's scary!!

ok...so i just found my mom's blog...and we picked the same colors!!! granted, there aren't a lot of different color schemes on here to choose from...but...we DID pick the same one! hmm...guess we are more alike than i realize sometimes

Teddy Bears and Blankies

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please bless this project I have taken on...please touch people's hearts and have them donate teddy bears and blankies for the displaced children touched by Katrina. Thank You, Lord, for letting me have the radio on at the exact time this was being talked about. Thank You for having the address on the KLOVE website. Thank You for the goodness of the cashier at the store to only charge me a fraction of the price of the teddy bears because I told him what they were for. Lord, bless the teddy bears and blankies that we send. Please use them to comfort the children in this time of need. Lord, protect the children, Lord. Protect the children.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen

Prayer for Katrina victims

Lord, Heavenly Father,
As I look at the pictures and read the articles about the Katrina victims, it makes me want to cry. Lord, please protect these people. Please get them out of the city. Please get them food, water, shelter, medical needs. Again, please bless the money I gave...stretch it as far as possible...help the people, Lord. Watch over them, protect them, Lord. They made it through the hurricane, please help them to continue to survive!!
In Your son's precious name,
Amen

Daily Prayer

Lord,
Thank You so much for Your mercy and grace. You are wonderful to me!! I am so thankful for Your forgiveness.
Today I ask that You just lay a blanket of protection over everyone that has been touched by Katrina. Please help loved ones get in touch with other loved ones. Please help the people stranded get rescued. And Lord, I ask that You bless the money I donated to the Red Cross and put it to good use.
In Jesus' name,
Amen